(This is part of a serialized novel. Click MENU + Polaris Station to read and comment on latest revisions)
Concept art for Polaris Station
The Commander stopped, tilted his helmet slightly and nodded slowly, eyes closed. The music volume oscillated, unhurried. Crackling static engulfed his crew’s upbeat playlist. One astronaut turned toward another and tapped the side of his helmet. Gloved hands slowly lifted toward the horizon as a flicker of light drew attention. A cylindrical object slowly tumbling end over end drifted across the black sky. Everyone froze. Minutes passed.
The radio static dimmed to a whisper, then silent as the object seemed to run for cover in the brilliant glow of the sun. Momentarily blinded, helmets turned a few degrees to the right, where reflected moon light revealed the home planet, faintly glowing in its own shadow. The lights in and around Rio de Janeiro, and New York speckled the dark blue and white disk. The crew’s playlist resumed. The astronauts one by one turned back to their work.
“Uh… can anyone explain that?” a newer crew member asked across the open crew frequency.“ What was… Where did it come from?”
“Second one since we got here,” Another replied. “We reported it, but the answer was…”
“Site Ops?” A strong voice interrupted the conversation.
Several crew members turned toward their commander perched on a platform near the lava tube. He was looking some distance at a cylindrical elevated module with small rounded window ports, antennas on top.
“Roger, this is Site Ops. Yes commander?”
“Log and report…” The commander ordered with a flat tone.
“Already done sir.”
The crew resumed surveying the cavern for habitat suitability. The commander remained in place, hand on the safety railing, face shield towards Earth. Seemingly distracted by its thin sun-lit crescent, he raised his left arm in front of his visor and checked his watch. He reflected audibly, “California. Friday evening. Yosemite.”
“Say again,” Site Ops inquired. “Can you repeat that?”
The commander quickly reached for his belt audio control unit (ACU) and flipped a switch. He turned back toward Site Ops, crossed both arms above his head with palms facing forward. He turned again back toward Earth and thought to himself, “Amazing. From here, Earth never rises. Never sets. It just turns every twenty-four hours like a rotisserie roasting over a fire.” He gazed upward, then back to the crescent. “She said they would be flying tonight? I wonder if he’ll get caught this time? I wish I could watch, the sun setting to the west, the nearly full moon rising here in the East, their ascent, their descent…”
After a minute or two he nodded, and as if he was on Earth for just a moment said, “Son! You’re so passionate…like your father, I suppose. We both wanted the same thing… We both wanted to be space architects. If only you were more rigorous in academics, you could have followed me into space.”
__________
Reader comments requested – I appreciate suggestions on clarity, flow, dialogue, characters and engagement. I especially welcome technical subject matter expert discussion. Challenge assumptions and help improve realism and storytelling.
Prologues are usually vague, a way to throw you in the middle of the world you’ve created. I liked that it was captivating but not too long. I assume the characters are on polaris station already? But then a cavern is mentioned, and looking at the concept art, now I think they are on the moon. I don’t know what your personal goal of the prologue was, but it did leave me curious, wondering what the heck is going on (in a good way). What are they doing? What is this object? What is site ops? Why are they looking for a habitat cavern?
Jacob, your comment is appreciated as it helps me see what kind of reaction readers can have from the composition. My goal with the prologue is to set up a little backstory (the commanders relationship with the protagonist), and some foreshadowing (the unidentified object), and some potential hidden motives. It won’t become clear what Polaris Station is til later in the first chapter. From you comments I need to make it more clear that this survey team is examining the lava tube as a potential human habitat for future living and housing. Thanks again. Please keep reviewing and commenting.
I really like this prologue and the moment that it captures, both with the crew and with the commander’s thoughts about his son. It feels like such a great way to introduce the story in the way it combines the space and technical elements with a character that has some complicated thoughts and feelings about his relationship with his son. With only a few lines, I already got the impression that their relationship was loving but potentially complicated and strained. I’m really interested to learn more about that.
As far as feedback goes, I really would have enjoyed a little more grounding in the scene before the crew even sees the suspicious object. I think two things could help with this: earlier physical descriptions of the setting and more interactions/actions from the characters. For me, it wouldn’t have been clear where they were until paragraph two when it actually describes the view of the earth. Some earlier physical descriptions could help establish the setting sooner. I also think it could be grounding to have a few moments of either interactions between the crew members or a bit of explanation about what they were doing before they were interrupted by the sight of the cylindrical object. Then the interruption or unique sight of the object could cue the readers that something unusual is going on and create intrigue there.
I’m really enjoying this story so far. Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work!
Enjoyed the prologue!